


abandoned

by jiddongie



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sadness everywhere, infidelity maybe depending on how you interpret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 10:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13785906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiddongie/pseuds/jiddongie
Summary: he never thought things could get worse than this. he was living everyday looking at the man he loved not loving him.





	abandoned

**Author's Note:**

> sad. sad nielsung...

jisung thought that it was harder than anything, seeing the closest one to him making his nightmares come true. he was sure that even an enemy, a hated person, wouldn't be able to hurt him. not like this. this hurt far more than even the times he hurt himself. it was a crippling feeling that was slowly eating him inside.

it happened slowly. the days went on with jisung noticing the small changes that happened everyday. one day, he would try to catch daniel's eye but daniel would do anything to avoid him like he was the plague. the other day he would feel like everything was completely normal, until minhyun came into their shared room. then daniel and jisung would both look up at him from their own beds, but daniel would light up like minhyun had just saved him. and on some days, jisung would wake up alone in the room, the dorm silent. he would exit their room, only to find out that daniel had slept in the living room, on the couch. he would then wake the younger up, gently touching his face. daniel would flinch, murmur something sleepily and hurry to the bathroom. jisung then would clean the mess of blankets and pillows he left behind and the rest of the day would go as if jisung's heart hadn't shattered into pieces. 

it was even worse in front of the cameras, where they pretended to be happy, so happy that it made jisung want to puke his guts out. daniel looked at him, really looked at his face and met his eyes right there, unlike at the dorm. he looked so much like he did before when he did that, like the old times where he had never gotten to shine outside of the crumpled basement of their agency, where he had shined next to jisung. and only to jisung. 

jisung wondered a lot lately, whether it would be better to go back to the days they never had anything, except each other. or were these versions of themselves the better, the best ones? he didn't have the answer. he was lost in his own mind, losing his sanity little by little as he thought. he couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't stop thinking about it. thinking about him. it was so hard to avoid when daniel was right there, literally right next to him, but he had never been so far away than this. 

and if you were to ask him, where exactly he had become so broken, jisung would say that it happened on the day he was alone with daniel and they didn't have anything else to do for the rest of the day. they were laying on their seperate beds and jisung just looked at him, wanted nothing more than to hold him, kiss him like daniel would make everything better, like he always had. he went to sit on daniel's bed and cupped his cheek with a hand. this was all too familiar to him. holding daniel's cheek, leaning into him, looking so closely at his lips, smelling his aftershave. it was jisung's comfort zone, where he felt was home. so he leaned into him, ready to taste the lips he was missing. he was thinking, how long had it been since they had last kissed? he had really missed it, but then, nothing in the world could prepare jisung to what happened next. daniel just pushed his hand away, startled. he stood up immediately, a surprised, almost disgusted look on his face. jisung was frozen, holding his own hand that was pushed away with his other hand, trying to comfort himself.

"hyung, don't come onto me like that anymore, i don't want this." daniel had said. 

and it had hurt so much, so much that jisung was almost shaking under daniel's stare. "why?" he had been able to say, silent like a whisper.

then daniel had looked like he was shaken, too. he wasn't someone who got mad easily, if at all. he was startled by himself, jisung could read him. "i'm sorry. i just, things have changed. we aren't in the basement anymore." daniel had said, not looking at jisung anymore.

jisung had felt like he had never been before. he felt so pathetic, so helpless, right in front of the person who was the exact opposite of these to him. daniel used to be comfort, happiness, home. now jisung's heart broke more and more everytime he tried to look at him. it felt like the worst thing that could happen to jisung. after all those years, after everything they went through, the result was this? it was all for daniel to throw him away, like he never even mattered. jisung hadn't imagined himself here, when he won the damn show. he hadn't imagined losing the most important thing to him as the cost of living a simple dream. 

he hadn't been the same since that day. everyone noticed, of course, after the sunshine, the mother, the lovely jisung was replaced with a worse copy of him. he wasn't lying, he would feel the best when he was with his fans, because right there, in front of them, he felt loved. but it was nothing compared to the nights and days he spent with the man he loved with his whole heart and soul. they were nothing compared to how daniel had made him feel so loved, kissing every part of jisung's body, whispering "i love you" and "you are beautiful" to his skin, making love to him and holding him in the morning after, so close that jisung had always felt like they were one body, with two hearts sticking to each other. 

nothing was the same anymore. he was making continuous mistakes on choreographies, his voice cracked everytime he tried reaching the notes because he had been crying by himself in the living room the night before. he wasn't sleeping well, when he knew the man who broke his heart was right there. he had been given the role of leader in his team, so he was still trying his best to do his duties but he wasn't smiling anymore.

the members noticed, too, if not first. they were sweet kids, who geniunely liked jisung so they would check up on him now and then. they had no idea what had been going on between daniel and jisung, they never knew. jisung found it easier to pretend he was okay with them because he never wanted to make them worry. they were living their dream, all so happy, young and pure. he would never take it away from them. so he tried to make himself invisible. he almost always rejected going out with them. he switched his room with guanlin, who was staying with the manager formerly. he was now even further away from daniel and his teammates. this is for the best, he told himself.

he never thought things could get worse than this. he was living everyday looking at the man he loved not loving him. he had never felt lonelier, more abandoned than this. he regretted feeling like that now, as he stood in the bathroom. his face looked like a wreck, eyes red, swollen and wet. yes, he had become so broken when daniel rejected him, abandoned him. but what made him worse than broken, what killed him, was seeing daniel hold him like he used to hold jisung. kiss his lips like he used to kiss jisung's and hold his hands like he used to hold jisung's. what killed him was seeing minhyun do this to him. not in a million years would jisung be able to imagine this pain that tore his heart apart. 

he was frantic, he knew he had never felt more insane than this. he didn't know what to do, he didn't remember what he did at that moment. all he knew was there minhyun was, sitting with daniel on the bed, kissing him. they hadn't noticed jisung entering the room, not until they heard the sound of jisung's hiccup. first, daniel met his eyes. he looked shocked, terrified even. it was obvious how he never thought that jisung would see this. then minhyun caught the sight of jisung. he reacted fast, pushing daniel away and standing up. both of his hands were up, posing like he was a criminal who got caught by the police. but it was just jisung, whose broken heart had taken another hit. 

"since when?" he remembered saying. it was all blurry, from the tears that were threatening to fall out of his eyes. he was so pathetic. 

"hyung, please..." daniel tried but minhyun's words silenced him.

"4 months."

daniel stood up then, looking at minhyun, eyes widening. he then looked at jisung, noticing how jisung only looked at minhyun. the question was directed at minhyun, not him.

"how could you do this? why did you do this?" tears were now spilling from jisung's eyes as more questions were asked. 

"i'm sorry, jisung hyung, but your time was up. it wasn't going to work out," minhyun answered. the firmness of his voice made jisung realize that minhyun wasn't even regretting this, he was only sad for jisung, pitying him.

with horror, jisung realized that minhyun wasn't even aware of what he had done. he wasn't aware that he had just crushed jisung's entire world and that daniel meant so much more to jisung than minhyun had ever thought, because minhyun never knew jisung was this pathetic.

minhyun had been the first person ever jisung had opened up to. he was the one who jisung would go to and he was the first and only one who knew about them. about jisung and daniel. about jisung's feelings. but he didn't know that jisung's darkest fear laid deep inside of him, left unshared. it was losing daniel, the one who became the support that kept jisung together for years.

jisung was so, so mad at himself. for believing daniel loved him and minhyun was his friend. for making everyone go through this. if he hadn't been such a fool, falling in love with the boy he never deserved then maybe, maybe they would all be happy.

but there jisung was, standing in the bathroom of his parents' house, in the middle of the night. there were voices calling him outside of the door. his mom, his sister and his dad were trying to talk to him. but all he could hear was his own sobbing. what daniel did to him and what minhyun did to him were so loud that he couldn't hear anything else.

and jisung knew right then and right there that he wouldn't be the same person anymore when he would be out of this room.


End file.
